It's Monday Again!

You will probably begin to notice that I only blog during the week. This is for two reasons. The first is I have a lot of free time at work usually (for now anyway) and two is because I am way too busy on the weekends to sit down at the computer. This was one of those long busy weekends.

I took half the day off of work on Friday. My mother-in-law just had to have a Paul's Pastry King Cake. So being the loving daughter-in-law that I am I drove an hour to Picayune to pick it up. Then an hour back to my house to pack all my things for the weekend. I then loose the dog. Ok well not really I let her out of the house off the lease because we were going to the car but I had to lock the door. So after locking the door, I turn around and she is no where to be found. I stay calm for the first 5 min. Then, I start to freak out! Well, I call Robin and she says to look inside maybe she ran in before I could notice. Sure enough there she is. We make very good timing and make it to Tuscaloosa at around 5:30 pm. Lucy is getting better with being at LaLa's and Papa's house. She not quite so hyper and she plays well with Addy now too! She was very sweet and let me hold her with Addy in my lap. Addy would hug her and kiss her! It was really sweet!

Saturday was a lot of fun and kinda relaxing as well. We all slept in which was great! I have been having trouble sleeping this past week. I really think that it has a lot to do with Anthony being gone for so long. But he is coming home this Thursday!!! I am so excited for him to get home. But back to Saturday. Oh yeah Friday, Quinn, Stephen, Anthony, & I gave Coleen her birthday present... A pink Cell Phone!! Saturday, We did some shopping... Well more looking than shopping! Robin took me to downtown Northport and they had the cutest Baby and Antique Shops there. I got some really good ideas of how to decorate my house! When we got finished with that it was time to start cooking the gumbo for Coleen's birthday dinner. After getting supper started Quinn, Robin and I went to get our Corey Smith tickets. We got run out of one parking lot by some crazy gas station attendant. Then when we got to the door at 7:30 they were open. Even though their sign says they open at 7 pm. We wait a few mins then some guy comes and sticks his head out the door. He was definitely on something. He told us we wasn't open yet to come back in about an hour. This is the second attempt. Robin and I went by earlier in the day. Well we return about 10 pm and they are open but not saleing tickets. So Quinn will have to get them today after 5 pm. All we want is tickets to see Corey Smith is that really too much to ask? I guess so!!

Sunday was good also. We did a lot of shopping this weekend. I wanted a fitted dress shirt in red for Anthony for Valentine Day. Coleen, Quinn, Addy & I went to mall in search of this shirt. We ended up getting a couple outfits for the kids, Addy & I trying on lingerie in Victoria
Secret, and Coleen getting her something from Aeropostale. I know you must be thinking Addy in Victoria Secret? Well I wanted to try on this outfit and then once I got it on (Addy was in the dressing room with me) Addy declares "I want to try on!!" Being the soft hearted Aunt Lu-Lu, I let her try in on over her cloths. It was really cute, You know like kids wearing their dad's boots! Anyways she started getting fussy so we decided to leave without the shirt. Quinn said that TJ Max may have one so we pressed our luck and went there. I'm glad we did 'cause I found not only Anthony's V-day present but mine too!!! I had been wanting a Kathy Van Zeeland Belted Shopper Bag but they had been too expensive for me to get. I found them there for $40! A $90 purse for $40!! I was very pleased! Lucy and I didn't do anything once we got home! I was a little sad that I didn't get to talk to Anthony much this weekend. Okay I more than a little but I'll get to talk to him tonight! Plus I get to see him Thursday!! Only 3 more days! I hope he doesn't think he's going to Frisbee Thursday night ;)

This is my V-Day Present from Anthony, even though he doesn't know it yet!!!

Thinking...

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about babies! Really, it seems like that's all I think about sometimes. I've been thinking a lot about what it means to bring a person into the world. You know the cost, responsibility and everything else that goes along with having a child. I also am thinking about the spiritual aspect of it.
The way I have thought about "my" family has change quite a over the years. I say "my" because that's what it has always been in my mind. I have not given the idea of my family over to God and let him be the one to decide what our family will be like until now. As I kid, I grew up half my life with my mom, dad, sister & me. I guess we were happy don't really remember a lot. Then @ age 10, my sister & I went to live with my grandparents. Two years later, It was just me and my grandparents. Now until living as an only child, I only wanted two maybe three children. After living as an only child and being surrounded by family, I wanted at least 5. Now I was very vocal that I did NOT want to birth 5 children. I told Anthony that we would have as many as it took naturally to have a boy (men wanting to carry on the blood thing). After that, we would adopt the rest. My thinking it was no since in having a bunch of children (just for name sake) when so many already need a home. That is how I was thinking until May of 2008. When faced with the thought that I might not ever have any of my own, I immediately started thinking that I wanted to carry all of my children that I could. I didn't want to miss out on the wonderful feeling and bonding that takes place when a mother carries her child. I guess that is how a lot of mothers feel. I still am not closed to the adoption idea. I still want to adopt some of my children. I know this is too early to be saying but I would just be grateful at this point to carry just one of my children but would be okay not carrying any of them. I don't know what God has planned or in store for Anthony & I. I know that whatever it is it will be for the best. I really just want whatever God wants.
I have also been thinking about what it means to have a child. What changes will have to be made in mine & Anthony's life. I really want a baby right now but I've been trying to figure out why I want one so bad. This section is going to be real honest thoughts so please don't get offended. Some changes that will have to be made is my sleeping that anyone who knows me knows I need. I am going to be a cranky stressed woman. Anthony & I will have to save enough money for when I'm on maternity leave to cover our bills. We have no savings right now so we would have to figure out how to make that. We will have less time for each other. No more late nights out with friends. No more "Hey lets go to the river this weekend" on Friday nights. So many things are going to change. Anthony and I have a nice comfortable life. Do I really want to bring a baby into the mix when we've just gotten to where we can enjoy each other without school and everything else getting in the way? I guess the big question that I don't have an answer to is Am I ready to be a mother? Am I ready for someone to depend solely on me? I simply don't know. Is anyone really ready?
I have also been thinking was am i ready to be the spiritual leader for this child. This is my blog where I can go and be honest without fear of persecution. I have not been to church since I lost the last baby. I know many of you are thinking that I blame God. No I don't. I am grateful that God has been here for me to help me. I am grateful to God for taking care of my babies where I couldn't. I am sure that if I really sat down and thought about it, I could figure out why I haven't been back but I don't want to. I have not lost communication with God. As many times as I have failed God, I don't want to be the reason that my child fails Him or doesn't get to know him. There are changes that have to be made before I will be ready to teach my child in the ways of the Lord. I don't know if I need to make those changes before I have a child or If those changes will come because of the child.
Wow sorry for such a deep and heavy post. I just needed to put all my thoughts and fears out there so that I can over come them. Well since I do not have a child to brag about I will brag about Lucy! She did the funniest thing last night. I was laying on the couch playing ball with her when I threw the ball and knock the desk trash can over. She got scared and wouldn't go get the ball. Well after barking several times at the can and it not moving, she decided to go get the ball. She got it very cautiously and brought it back. Well this went on for a couple of throws. Well usually she will jump down and start running before I can throw the ball. I threw it and it hit the can again. She came running back to me so fast she hit her head on the coffee table and wet the floor she got so scare. When I told Anthony about it last night, he started rolling laughing.

Starting Again

I started keeping a blog because I thought that it would be an easy way to keep family updated on my pregnancy. However, after losing both pregnancies, I stopped blogging. I wanted to start again just to keep everyone updated on how are family is doing.

Since July, not a lot has happened really now that I think about it. We got settled into our house. We got a room mate until last month. Long story but short version is BIG MISTAKE! In November, Anthony started working for an offshore company called Sodexo. He is working in the galleys and kitchen. He is now being nominated for a promotion!! We are excited about that. We also got a puppy. We got her from the shelter. She is a mix of Pug & Boston Terrier. We named her Lucy Lou Webb!!! When we got her she weighed around 3 lbs and she is now up to 9lbs! She has the most beautiful blue eyes! She is completely brindle with one little patch of white on her chest. I just love her to death!

This is right after we got her! I miss how small she was!!

This her in her sweater at Thanksgiving!

This was just the other night! Look how big she is now!

So I guess we are up to recent new now! Anthony will be home from his second hitch on Jan. 29th. He will have been gone for 6 weeks when he gets home! I miss him terribly. This hitch has been the hardest because I have not seen him since Dec. 17th.

We are planning to start our baby journey next month. Anthony will be able to sign up for health insurance starting Feb 1st. We will then make an appointment with an OBGYN in here in Hattiesburg for a preconception visit. At that time, We will let her know we have had to pregnancy that did not come to term and see what she wants to do from there. I am not completely comfortable with the lets try again and see if you miscarry again but If she thinks that is best we will do that. If not I guess we will begin fertility testing to see why I didn't carry the pregnancies. I'll be keeping you all posted about all that. I am just hoping for the best.